I am sitting on the steps of our community pool. The water is sky blue and sunlight honeycombs ripple rhythmically from the surface to the bottom. Other people and children swim around us. My mother or grandmother are definitely lurking nearby. I mind my business and play with my toys in the water. My favorites …
It’s St. Patrick’s Day, 1999.In the middle of a mild afternoon, my first little sister is born. I am six-and-a-half years old, walking into the hospital with some family members. I’d thankfully never spent much time in that environment, which ironically would change only a few years later. Entering the cold, bare room, Mother is …
“When did I first show interest in horses?” I ask Mother recently, wondering what sparked my interest in this specific animal. “I’m not exactly sure…” She thinks for a moment. “What I remember most is the toys. When we would go to a store and look at the toys, you never went right towards the …
Since anorexia is back on the market (literally… mail order Ozempic?) and the red carpet (yes, I will body shame evident encouragement of emaciation)… Let me give you some perspective from a lifelong anorexic. ***DISCLAIMER***I am going to limit the scope of this discussion specifically to disordered eating, not weight loss for necessary health or …
18 houses in 33 years. Math is my worst subject but that averages to a new home about every two years since I was born. One of the only things I have ever wanted was stability. I envied people who lived in the same house their whole life, who had the same friends since preschool, …
One of the first questions many people ask upon meeting me is: “what are you?” I tend to sideline my smartass remarks about the dehumanization of that statement—I know most inquirers mean well. What they mean to say is: “what’s your nationality?” or “what’s your heritage?” I don’t really like to think or talk about …
You wake up one morning earlier than the sun. You’re not sure how, but you know today is the day. Today is the day for change. You’re on your fifth instar and there’s only one more layer of skin to shed. It’s the most brutal one, but it’s the only way to get to the …
I saw the rejection letter and, naturally, a poem recited through my mind. I hadn’t read it in years, but always knew it by heart: What happens to a dream deferred? When we studied Harlem Renaissance literature in 8th grade, I memorized this poem by Langston Hughes in just a few days. Something about the …
When I was a teenager, I had only one desire: to sing. But it wasn’t just a whimsical, delusional desire. I had an urge to sing that consumed my entire being. Music was the only future I imagined for myself. Mother says that as a toddler I insisted she repeat the same cassette tapes when …
I’m very young—maybe 4 or 5—swimming in the pool with Mimi on a warm summer day. Standing in the shallow end near the stairs, I watch as she floats on her back, her arms and legs spread out, water lightly lapping against her limbs, relaxed and weightless. She plunges under completely before resurfacing. Mimi looks …
